The Liebster Blog Award!

Yes, I have indeed been nominated for a Liebster award by rileysmilesify at! Thanks for the nomination. 

The rules for the award are as follows:
1) See you've been nominated. Feel pleased with yourself. (Yes, this is a rule.)
2) Answer the 11 questions asked by the nominator. 
3) Realise you don't know much about yourself. 
4) Have an early mid-life crisis. 
5) Recover.
6) Write down 11 facts about yourself. Struggle to come up with anything worth reading.
7) Look up dictionary definition of "Liebster." (It means sweetest in German.)
8) Feel pleased with yourself again.
9) Choose 5-11 other bloggers to nominate for the award. I'm not doing this as I know relatively few bloggers at the moment. Maybe next time. ;) 

So now for my answers to the questions!

1)      What is a topic that you can talk about for hours?
Erm… generally something the other participant in the conversation is also interested in helps, otherwise I’m kind of just talking to myself which I guess can be seen as slightly psychotic if done over long periods of time. Honestly I rarely find myself talking about anything in a lot of depth, although  good films and TV shows can always get some good conversation going.

2)      What is your favorite movie?

3)      If you could go anywhere in the world and with anyone, where would you go and with whom?
My imaginary friend has always wanted to tour the world  Hmm. I think I would say my family (even though that’s more than one person so I’m cheating) because that would mean we would be going on another summer holiday this year and multiple holidays in the same summer would be awesome. And anywhere warm and sunny would be nice – Mediterranean Islands anyone?

4)      Why do you blog?
A while ago I wrote and shared several humorous articles on the Internet, which were quite well received and encouraged me to start a blog. I continue to blog because I genuinely do enjoy writing in this style.

5)      If you only had five sentences left to say before losing the ability to speak, what would you say?
Wait. What? We already started? Wait and what aren't two separate sentences! DAMMIT.

6)      Who is your favorite character in fiction?
Willy Wonka.  I would like to be his best friend.

7)      What is a song you could listen to on replay for hours?
Quite a big Queen fan, so anything there is good to listen to. Let’s go with Don’t Stop Me Now. 

8)      Describe yourself in 3 words!
Moist. Zesty. Yummy.    O.O

9)      There is a snow day and school was cancelled--what do you do?
Wish it was summer.

10)   What is your favorite book, and why?
War and Peace       Captain Underpants

11)   What is your favorite quotation?
I have a book of inspirational quotes in my bathroom which I often read on the toilet to get me through the session. Through my many toilet trips I've committed many quotes to memory, so it’s difficult to pick one. I’ll go with “Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.” It’s quite the study motivator.

(Although whenever I’m doing something particularly physical, like rolling over to get out of bed, screaming “PAIN IS JUST WEAKNESS LEAVING THE BODY!!!!!!!!!” as loud as I can helps.)

And now... 11 facts about myself.

1)      I collect models of famous buildings, with a current running total of twelve.

2)      I quite literally have a pet rock, who is currently sitting on my desk. His name is Barney.

3)      I also have a pet cactus called Dave.

4)      I’m not crazy, I promise.

5)      Did you know that Scotland is the only country in the world where Coca-Cola is not the number one most sold soft drink? It’s because we’re all obsessed with Irn-Bru. (This is basically a fact about myself.)

6)      I have a chest condition called “Pectus excavatum”. It is essentially a large hole/hollow in my chest used as a slightly unusual party trick or to carry liquids in as an alternative to a mug or glass. (Okay, no, I don’t really do this. But if society would be more accepting it could be really quite handy.) By the way, I've called it the White Hole. Because it reminds me of a black hole and because

   7)   I’m white.

   8)   I have an extremely broad music taste and can get into pretty much any genre.

   9)   I like turtles.

10)   Writing this list makes me realise I’m not a very interesting person.

11)   Umm
        Thanks again to rileysmilesify for the nomination! 

18) How to get kicked out of school

A)     Start a food fish fight.

      This little guy's begging to be used to give someone a head concussion!  (source)

B)      Ride a llama to your classes.

C)      Have a pool party, in the lunch hall.

D)     Make the school’s fire alarm your ringtone.

E)      Realise your life long goal of becoming a nudist.

F)      Play “connect the dots” with your teacher’s freckles.

G)     Ask to be expelled.

H)     Display an interest in your headmistress’s menstrual cycle.

I)        Claim that you know they’re on their period because you can smell it.

J)        Inject liquid faeces into your teacher’s lunch.


K)      Impregnate every female teacher.

L)       Tell the head teacher that their skin would make an excellent coat.

M)   Impregnate every male teacher.

N)     Bring a homeless person in for “Show and Tell.”

O)     Hit on your headmistress.

P)      Moan in the girl’s bathroom on the 3rd floor.

Q)     Lead cows upstairs.

R)      Add laxatives to the milk.

S)      Spread a rumor that you are an illegal immigrant.

T)      Tease your depute head-teacher/principal for not getting the top job.

U)     Sing “Stupid Hoe” to your teacher. (You may even get arrested for singing a Nicki Minaj song.)

V)     Whenever your teacher tries to talk to you scream “Are you calling me fat?!”

W)   Rub yourself in vaseline, sit in the corner and pretend to be a slug.

Your new Facebook profile picture (source)

X)      Roll down the corridor, claiming to be a magical fairy from Venus.

Y)      If (for some reason) you are friends with your head-teacher/principal on Facebook, send them a Farmville request.

Z)      Write erotic stories about the (possibly made-up) love life of two teachers. Sell these stories to fellow students for extra points here. Extra bonus points for destroying your teacher's marriage with your stories which distressed his wife so much she immediately left, taking his two young children with her to go and live in Mexico where she could send him divorce papers and liquid faeces, leaving your ex-teacher (who had to quit his job due to the scandal) to realise his life is crumbling around him and he'll never see his kids again and his wife hates him and his dog died and he's over qualified for McDonald's and his dog came back to life and died again and his goldfish went to jail for dealing drugs and PLUTO ISN'T A PLANET and...

Moral of the story - Don't write erotic stories.