22) How to be weird in a public restroom

Note – this post is aimed mainly for men, but girls can enjoy suffer through it too!

           A)     Attempt to sell your penis.

         B)      Knock on stall doors. When the person inside opens it, pretend to be a door to door salesman. (selling your penis.)

            C)      Kick in stall doors, with a camera in your hand, while licking your lips, while fondling your nipples.

            D)     Change all rolls of toilet paper into rolls of sand paper.

             E)      Loudly complain to yourself about the size of your penis.

           F)      In a stall, rub melted chocolate around your mouth. Act ashamed when you come out. If anybody tries to talk to you mutter, “Bad habit I know… just… smells so good…”

             G)     Attempt to crawl into an (occupied) stall next to the one you’re in. When the person inside sees you scream, “PEAK-A-BOO!”

             H)     Leave a brick in the toilet.

              I)        Turn the lights in the restroom off while stalls are occupied.

              J)       Pour a bucket of manure over an occupied stall. Say “Oops, I missed.”
              K)      Pee on somebody’s leg. Claim that it is raining.

               L)       Call the phone sex line while standing at a urinal.

               M)   Come up behind somebody using a urinal and cover their eyes with toilet paper.

              N)     Hang a sign up on a stall which says “*your name here*’s SuPeR SEcReT sEx DuNGeoN.” Show random people the sign and ask if they would like to join you inside.

             O)     Use a stopwatch to time how long people take in the restroom. Cheer everybody on and give an “Efficient Pooper” medal to anyone who is in and out within 4 minutes.

                P)      Leave a doll and red food colouring in a toilet. Leave the restroom as fast as you can.

                Q)     Dry your penis with a hand dryer.

               R)      For a few minutes watch people washing their hands with an amused look your face. Then say “Ha. Toilets are so mainstream.” Proceed to pee in the sink.

              S)      Perform a random drug test using samples of everybody’s urine. (that you have forced off of them.)

               T)      Brush your teeth, and spit in the sink while somebody is using it to wash their hands. (Try and get some toothpaste on their hands.)

               U)     Pretend to be a lifeguard, and claim you have to follow everybody into the stalls to ensure they don’t fall in.

                 V)     Start a penis measuring service.

               W)   While at a urinal tell the guy next to you that, “This is the best part about being gay.”

               X)      Smear chocolate onto a fork, and then leave it on the back of the toilet.

                Y)      Fill soap dispensers with maple syrup.

                 Z)      Add some excitement to the toilet-going experience by leaving piranhas in the toilets.

Also: 10 of the weirdest things to be overheard saying in a toilet stall!

                  1)      Huh. It isn't usually that colour.

                   2)      Is… is it alive?

                   3)      Haha. It looks like chocolate covered raisins. Doesn't taste like it though.

                   4)      Dammit, my penis fell off again. Really need to get that checked out.

                   5)      These aquariums are just not worth the money.

                   6)      So I think it just inverted and went inside of me. I guess that’s normal.

                    7)      Hello, last night’s dinner!

                     8)      Now how did that get inside of me?

                      9)      Oh man, I missed. I always miss.

                       10)   IT BURNS! IT BURNS! ARRRRRRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHH!


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