26) How to screw up a job interview

I've finished my exams and am looking for a job. Anybody hiring? Here’s the worst things to say in a job interview.
      A)     I want this job because I need money.

      B)      What’s a Microsoft Word?

      C)      My work ethic is so high, it’s basically Asian.

      D)     Did you just touch my crotch under the table? You sneaky devil, you. 

      E)      Can I just say, I love the fact that you’re black. In fact, I love all the black people. Like, I just don’t get          racism, you know? Why should those stinky whites discriminate against you people? In fact, I hate the          whites and I love the blacks. Not love in a gay way of course. Ha! Gay people are gross.

     F)      How many young women work here?

     G)     Wanna buy some cocaine?

     H)     You’re cute *winks*

      I)        Who’s the babe in the photo frame? Your wife? ……. She home right now?

      J)       I hope this doesn't affect my chances of getting the job, but I have a severe porn addiction and have a           bad habit of pulling my dick out in public and jerking it off in people’s faces.

     K)      I’m not getting out of this chair until you hire me.

      L)       Can I brush your hair? Please? Pretty please?

     M)   I love lamp.

      N)     It’s not that I prefer to work independently, it’s just that I f*cking hate people.

     O)     Didn't I molest you when you were five?

      P)      Meet my pet rock, Barney.

      Q)     One of my main strengths is my ability to fit my whole dick into your ear.

      R)      Why do you have a typewriter connected to your television?

      S)      Where I come from, that kind of question can get you shot.

      T)      You’re not going to hire me? Why don’t you come down to my dungeon and we can talk about this              some more?

     U)     You see this? It’s a dick piercing. Get used to it.

      V)     So, tell me… how many secretaries have you had sex with on this desk?

      W)   If you draw the curtains I can show you the one special skill I have that I didn’t mention on my CV ;)

       X)      You know, my CV could have been even better, but I grow tired of bullshitting, you know?

       Y)      Yes I have great leadership skills, I am the leader of a highly respected World of Warcraft clan.

        Z)      My anus is leaking.

leave a comment or i'll be sad

2 Response to "26) How to screw up a job interview"

  1. Karissa says:
    11 July 2014 at 01:38

    Hello! I've probably mentioned this before, but I love your posts! They're hilarious! For that reason, I have nominated you for the Sunshine award! Check my blog to find out all about it!


  2. Envy says:
    11 July 2014 at 02:36

    "One of my main strengths is my ability to fit my whole dick into your ear."
    I'm wondering... Does this mean that the person who's doing the interview has huge, elephant-like ears, or...?
    Great post, made me laugh. I mean, who doesn't bring their pet rock to a job interview?! :P

Post a Comment